day 554: How long will you blame for? 100 more years?

When and as I see myself comparing myself to my father and believe that I am going to be JUST LIKE HIM, I stop, I breathe, because I see, realize and understand that even though I have copied his patterns, but I am still self-responsible for stopping/correcting myself here.

So blaming him for what I have accept and allow within me is unacceptable. No matter how much shit I have learned from him through my growing up years, I am still responsible for choosing my behavior in this very moment of breath. I mean another question to ask is: how long could I continue to blame my father for? Is it 1 more year, or 10 more years, or 100 more years or till eternity? I mean, at some point I will have to stop blaming my father for my behaviors, sure, I can blame him for next 100 years for what I do/live/speak etc, but how about the day after 100 years have passed? Can I still blame him?

And why not? Will my blame be invalid on the day after 100 years have passed? I mean its kind of weird logic to say that “oh no you can’t blame your father the day after 100 years, but you can blame him now/here/today”, so I see some dishonest, bullshit here, the common sense of the matter is, it is invalid to blame him even here/today/now, just as it’s invalid to blame on the day after 100 years of blame have passed on. Blame is invalid.

I recall looking at this point before, somebody was complaining, blaming about their parents on and on and on, as if it is eternal, meaning, “nope you cannot stop blaming them”, I recall asking them “will there ever be a moment in your life where you will say enough is enough, now I no more blame my parents for this or that”. You can blame them say for 100 years, may be even more, may be till ETERNITY, and then, there comes a point where you will realize, “enough is enough”, no more blame. I stop, I breathe.

Strange, why wait till eternity to STOP blaming another? I see/realize and understand, blame of any kind, directed towards anyone is invalid, so I stop, I breathe.

Obviously I have learned many nasty patterns from my father, not so cool, but how/where did he learn them from? Possible from his father, and how/where did he learn? Here lies the sins of the fathers, generation to generation, the mind-patterns are passed down, so blaming those up in the family tree wont’ help, unless I am willing to blame the one at the very top, the creator himself, because my great-great-great-great-great-great——-great-grand-father (all the way back to zillions of years) must have install the original mind-behavior-pattern which got passed down the generations, unto ME.

So the pattern stops with me, as I am responsible for living/speaking/directing in self-awareness, I support myself with breathing and slowing myself down, and realizing the responsibility I have to STOP these patterns within me. Stopping blame within myself is almost like undoing an act of GOD, such a mighty being created this thing/virus called “Blame” and I am the one to STOP it within me.

So when and as I see myself blaming my father for apparently installing not-so-cool mind-behavior-patterns within me, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself to see, realize and understand, that GOD himself created this mind-viruses through the generations before, and here/now I am entirely self-responsible for stopping blame within me. Not in another 100 years, not after an eternity has passed, but here/now I stop blaming others, I take responsibility for my life, for my patterns in self-awareness, in self-realization that I am the director so I chose how to live/act/speak etc.

Here I see blame is entirely invalid unless I want to be its co-creator and pass it down to next generations. So I stop it within myself. 

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