day 557: “thinking about writing” is not writing.

writeTonight, I was thinking about writing instead of just moving myself to actually write. I was thinking “its too late now, should go to bed soon, lets write tomorrow”, and so on. And so I want to write about ‘thinking about writing’ instead of actually writing. You see, there is always something to write about, but ‘thinking about writing’ is not writing, it’s just thinking.

Well, ‘thinking about doing this or that’ is something I do a lot. Pondering, reflecting, thinking, analyzing, daydreaming, considering, etc etc, but never actually doing anything. When it comes to physically, practically moving myself, I find I got lots of limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘think a lot’ about doing some activity but never actually move myself to do them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘think about writing’ instead of just write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not physically move myself into action, instead of just ‘thinking about doing them’.

Living inside my head a lot, doing things in the head, not moving, directing, getting things done in the physical reality, moving like an arrow to my target, get projects done, get stuff done, instead do a lot of thinking about shit. Just sit and thinking can accumulate a lot of mind-energy about issues, and could never get a break from it. Who am I, when I allow so much thinking and more thinking, instead of moving myself to act/do/move things. The idea that I need another person, an external force to move myself is pretty stupid. I mean this is not a competition, not trying to outsmart, or score more than others, this is about me NOT falling into lethargy, get to move, physically move, too much sitting around, hence too much thinking instead of actually doing things.

I notice a degree of ‘slowness’ in me, it’s not that I am slowing my mind down, this is more like laziness, a physical laziness, passive, floating around, I am not liking this movement much, moving like an arrow is cool, on target, ambitious, with goals in hand, be a go-getter.

So when and as I see myself participating in laziness, slowness where I end up ‘thinking about doing things’ than actually doing them, I stop, I breathe. I direct myself to move myself. I direct myself to participate more. I see that since the YMCA closed down, I have kind of given up on physical workouts etc, yoga is cool, but its no physical workout, I need more action, movement, direction. But this is something I can only give to myself, nobody can make me ‘move’ like an arrow, I must move myself, act, become active, participate more in physical activities.   

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