day 570: notes to self: don’t rush in daily writing.

writeThe moment I sit to write, I see myself yawning, clearly an indication from the mind saying: “oh you’re too tired, goto sleep now”. So more reasons to write, not giving into the mind, because giving into the mind is a form of self-defeat. In that, I am saying my mind is the boss, and I am its slave, as I take orders from my mind. Standing equal is the key, meaning, I see/realize and understand what’s going on and still direct myself to get this done.

Another mind-tick I have is writing at the very end of my day, within the final minutes, this is not acceptable, I mean, need to put sometime into writing, to reflect, to expand, etc, not just writing like a high-school homework assignment. After all, self-writing is about self-intimacy, so can’t rush to develop this self-intimacy, have to take some time, and slow myself down as when I write. So last-minute rush jobs are not cool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself through the daily writings, instead of slowing myself down and take a moment to reflect/see the points here to expand myself in writing. Writing is also a point of developing insights and solutions, which I can’t do if I am rushing. So, I breathe, slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am sloppy in my writing, I see/realize this is not a judgment, but a point of realization that I need to write in a manner that I can develop/expand without rushing myself. I mean, no point in ‘writing for the sake of writing’, that’s more like a religious belief. But I write as a self-commitment to expand myself, to forgive myself, to develop insight/solutions etc, within that I see/realize rushing or ‘just to get it out’ is not the correct self-supporting attitude.

So when and as I sit to write, I commit myself to use this time/chance to be really here, in and as my writings and my words, and express myself, expand myself, share myself, forgive myself etc, so this is real, words are real, the out-coming blog is real, not just a last-minute rush-job to satisfy a ‘belief’. Daily writing is not a belief, it’s a self-commitment to self-expand myself. However I do utilize that religious “Just Do It” attitude sometimes when I am totally stuck in my mind-resistance, then yes, “just do it”, “write some”, “write anything” like approach is self-supportive, because then the act of writing itself is the movement, as it’s a physical movement of myself out of my resistance/lethargy.

So “just do it” attitude has a place, it’s certainly better than not writing at all. Obviously my writing has to support me, I mean after all, this is self-writing to freedom, so why not self-expand, become real in my words here. In that also develop self-honesty. I mean without self-honesty everything I wrote thus far is just empty words, sort of meaningless mambo-jumbo. Self-honesty is what brings life/meaning to these words, otherwise what the hell am I saying here. So breathe, don’t’ rush, take some time for this, reflect, look at the points, expand on them, ask questions, see the hidden and obvious self-definitions, get into details, as devil is in the details, and so write, self-forgive, and write a script of self-correction etc. A sense of completion would be cool to, I mean sometimes I write leaving half the points out, so cover all angles if possible. Cool, so not rushing, breathing, and moving myself through my words here in self-expansion, in self-honesty. I realize I can’t fool myself here.   

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