Day 572: “never trust anyone”

HumanFor context, please listen to this short video.

So, self-mistrust is a point I have to start looking at. My tree of life interview video by desteni, was posted some 6 years ago, I have seen it couple of times but never took the initiative to investigate the mentioned points and correct myself accordingly. Well I am here now, it’s never too late.

As a child it seems I have spoken the words “never trust anyone, they are all deceitful liars”, I have said so as a reaction for being disappointed with my parents who didn’t keep their words/promises causing much pain to me at that time. So, essentially by stating “never trust anyone ever again” I have effectively stated “I don’t’ trust myself ever”.

Self-trust has been a major issue in my life, I could write a long list of events/situations indicating this pattern. I mean, sometimes I mistake that for fear, I suppose they are all related, as said in the video, there is fear to the point of petrification within the fear of being hurt etc, pretty terrible story, lol, so time to take it apart, self-forgive and let go, I mean what-else can I do? It’s never too late to self-forgive, and never too late to correct myself. So, here I am, looking to write few blogs in relation to self-mistrust, and turning into self-trust. Stay tuned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people, within this I forgive myself for fear being hurt by people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hurt within myself when people break their promises or not keep their word. Within this I forgive myself for taking their actions/words so personally, not seeing/realizing what they have done unto me is NOT personal at all, it is what is existent within them, which they simply were throwing out, it was not specifically done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my parents deliberately hurt me by not keeping their word/promises, within this I forgive myself for taking their actions/words so personally, not seeing/realizing it is NOT done unto me personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to the ‘feelings of hurt’ and make myself less-than to it, less-than to my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my parents as GODs and within that see myself as less-than to them. Within this I forgive myself for placing trust in their hands, instead of me standing as self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I didn’t realize nor had the understanding what was going on at that time, within this I forgive myself for reacting to them, and suppressing my anger towards them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react by speaking the words “they are all deceitful liars, never trust again” etc, in that I forgive myself for stating the statement “I don’t ever trust myself”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create self-mistrust within myself as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting anyone within the fear of being hurt again, not seeing/realizing here I am giving ‘hurt’ the power to exist, through my fear of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting anyone, not seeing/realizing, how can I trust anyone when I don’t trust myself? I see trust begins with self-trust, therefore I see self-mistrust cannot create trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words “never trust again”, I realize I didn’t know what I was doing or speaking back then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust as something I get from others accompanied with nice warm/fuzzy feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust as “when parents keep their word and promises”, within this I see/realize how I have placed trust outside of myself, instead of standing me as self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hurt and heartbrokeness when my parents didn’t keep their word, within that I forgive me for seeing them as gods, whereas me as the little victim, within that I forgive me for accepting self-defeat, suppressed anger and self-inferiority. I realize they didn’t know what they were doing either, and whatever was said and done, was not done unto me personally. Within this I forgive myself for taking others personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘hurt’ to ‘trust’, and so doing allow myself to experience hurt as another breaks the shared ‘trust’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should be able to ‘trust’ my family, within this I forgive myself for believe ‘trust’ should be automatic within the family. Not seeing/realizing as mind-consciousness system, each mind/being is geared for self-interest, so taking them personally is not cool, I realize their mind-set, so without any judgments, I understand where they come from. It almost looks like people have no choice but have to deceitful liars to survive in this world, until they understand/apply tools like self-forgiveness, self-correction etc, I realize ‘trust’ is not something I can expect from others, and within my own life, have I been a trusting person to others? I can easily list of moments where I broke the trust others had in me, even to the point of ‘cheating’. So trust from others is not the issue, but self-trust, do I stand and trust myself?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demand trust from others, while I have not stood as trust for others or within myself. In this I see/realize I have used trust as a preacher’s righteous hammer, to judge and condemn others while giving me the luxury to deceit others when and as it suits me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when they break the ‘trust’ we shared, within this I forgive myself for placing trust in the hands of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for trust from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like those people who are apparently ‘trustworthy’ because then I can rely on them, have a trusting relation with them, and can place trust in their hands.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the strange idea: “trust but verify”, in that not seeing/realizing doubt already exist within that trust, hence it is not trust at all. If trust needs to be verified how could it be trust? WTF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt others but desire them to trust me. Within this I forgive myself for getting angry when others don’t trust me, which I take it as an insult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insulted when others indicate to me that I am not within their ‘trusted’ circles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be trusted by others, within this I forgive myself for desiring that nice warm/fuzzy feeling when others trust me, as it shows how great I am, as I can win the trust of others. Not seeing/realizing this is a ploy/plot in subtle ways, its manipulating people with ‘trust’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge those who are apparently untrustworthy, not seeing/realizing they simply do not know what they are doing, nor do they have the understanding/tools how to develop self-trust. So how can I judge them?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting others because I fear getting hurt. Within this I forgive myself for creating self-defensive mechanisms for protecting myself by “never trust them again”, in that inevitably ended up mistrusting myself.

I realize for trust to be real, there must be self-trust, without which trust could never be. In this I commit myself to develop self-trust through walking this process extensively, so that I can stand as a point of trust/self-trust within myself. I can trust myself first no matter what.

This is an extensive point for me, I mean, so many dimensions, angles, sub-points, events, memories to it, so I have to walk them all, step by step, take them apart. Slowly develop self-trust as who I am, me here, forevermore, unwavering, and self-trustworthy.

To be continued………

Please join us, let’s get to the root of the problem and then solutions.

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
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Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
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