Listen to this cool interview, where a being thru the inter-dimensional portal explains what happens when you look at another just for a moment, that pretty lady sitting over there, just for a sec you look at her, establish eye contacts, what happens in that moment. An energetic high? A moment of fantasy, a moment of feeling-good, someone to imagine and possibly masturbate later, an exchange of energy, a number of points this interview touches on. I strongly recommend it, for sure, it is very supportive for me, as I have a tendency to ‘scan’, ‘look’, somehow to get some attention from others. This doesn’t have to be in the context of sex, you just want a moment of attention from another, a quick energy fix, it could be from someone you look up-to, an energy quickie if you will from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek quickies from others in the form of ‘quick energy attention’, like an energy/drug fix.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make comments or do funny stuff, or ask odd questions, all to get their attention to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek that feeling-good moment even with complete strangers, by seeking to establish eye contacts with them. Its like I am looking for a smile, or a greeting or something, some kind of attention, so that I can be all satisfied within the momentary energy exchange.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize because I am not breathing here constantly as breath/as life, I am as my mind, always looking for some quick attention, and quickies are quick moments of energy exchanges, where I use and abuse strangers by looking at them, establishing eye contacts, just for a moment, just for that smile, just for that quick feeling-good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize certainly I don’t’ seek that momentary look or eye contacts with every stranger whom I run into, its only some people, generally the good-looking ones, whose attention, whose smile like magic can touch my soul and make me feel so good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize in this momentary energy seeking/looking, I am actually abusing that person, its like I am taking something from them, sucking some energy from them, and also I am losing part of myself, as a discharge of myself, like something of me is gone in that moment of exchange.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize though these are momentary exchanges of energy, but they can lead to consequences in life that are much longer than a moment, could be even a lifetime long.
Here a memory pops up, few years back, I used to goto this coffee shop just to be greeted by this girl who was working there, I found her smile mesmerizing, she was in a relationship, and I was in one too, so there was no question of anything happening between us, yet I allowed that momentary exchange of energy, that feeling of so good, its like I am floating after her smile and bit of friendly chit-chat, now I see it was all about energy exchanges, how great it made me feel, and so it became a routine, which I didn’t skip, always looking forward to her friendly smile, and the times she wasn’t there, I could see a marked difference in me. So certainly there was lot more than coffee-high in that place for me, which later led to consequence in my life (wont’ get into that here). Now I am not saying don’t’ smile or, be like a robot etc, but do see if there is any exchange of energy, an emotional high, see what’s going on within self, and forgive if there are feelings and clear your starting point. I did write about this point earlier, but cool to revisit, I mean this is something I have to really stop. Momentary quickies, its like I am constantly begging for energy from strangers. It’s like being a beggar always asking for a quarter of energy from strangers, here the ‘asking’ is done with a look, and if the smile is returned, or an eye contact is made, it’s a done deal, I got my quick high/fix. Fascinating. Here I am not talking about ‘staring’ which is a different point I think, that’s more like obsession.
Obviously I can expand on this point to include everyone from whom I seek attention. Not just strangers, I mean anyone that I seek ‘something’ from, wanting to be noticed, wanting to be seen, recognized, acknowledged, approved, validated, etc. There is nothing to feel guilty about, simply realizing the pattern and changing it is the key. Correction doesn’t require guilt or remorse, but it does require realization, writing of self-forgiveness, breathing, and self-application to change etc.
So throughout my day, I commit myself to be aware when I am playing those little games where I seek attention from others, where I am looking for something, some energy from others. So how would I talk to that girl again, I mean, I can’t tell her to stop smiling, its her customer service personality perhaps, here I see/realize breath/breathing is the key, where I am unmoved by anything energetic from outside of me. I ground myself within myself within my body, and remain here, breathing, and participate with other beings as equals not as some quick-fix happy energy suppliers.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use people to get that happy-energy supply instead of remaining within myself as stable, as breath, as physical here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize all this drama is to get attention even for a second from total strangers, as it’s a quick fix for my energy addiction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize a look at a stranger is not just an innocent look, it’s an exchange of energy, for a moment to feel so great. In this I direct myself to observe myself, all my looks, comments, questions, gestures, greetings, Hi’s/Bye’s, discussions, I mean attention seeking is extensive. I direct myself to support myself with breathing to stop this pattern that I have lived so extensively. I also see that this is not about me turning into robotic zombie that walks with a stone-like face, no. I don’t seek that energy exchanges from anyone, and I stop this craving by breathing with awareness.
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