day 588: sports feelings, war feelings.

soccerSports madness is back again. Seeing all these soccer fans watching their games, makes me wonder, “wtf, why are they so addicted to this”. Not seeing/realizing, its brainwashing, I didn’t grow up with soccer, so I don’t’ have the virus to glue myself to TV watching a ball being kicked around.

Alas, I have a different brainwashing, cricket. While a soccer game is only 90 minutes or so long, a cricket match can span over 5 days, yes five days, I didn’t make a mistake in the number, it’s called a ‘Test Match’. And believe it or not, I have been up in arms, watching this game over the internet, I mean checking the scores online every 2-3 minutes or so, sort of drugged by this form of cricket in the last five days (where England vs Sri-lanka playing their 2nd Test), and today was the last day, and till the last ball was sent down my awareness was on it, as if I exist to consume this game while rest of my day-to-day activities are running in background mode, even work activities are running on the background, as I am fully ‘occupied’ with the game.

So how can I fault-find with countless soccer fans, or basketball fans, or NFL, or NHL fans, I mean, all these fans grew up with their respective sport, now they can’t get enough of it. I used to look down up on these ‘crazy fans’ labeling/judging them etc. Not seeing/realizing given the amount of focus I gave to cricket in the last 5 days, I am no different to any crazy hockey fan or soccer hooligan.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condemn, label and judge sports fans as crazy, or nuts, ‘gone insane’, not seeing/realizing I am equally ‘gone crazy’ about my game, cricket, which I grew up with. I didn’t grow up with NFL or NHL, or soccer, so I am not bothered about who will win the soccer world cup, or the NHL Stanley cup etc, I mean it’s no news to me, as I only care about my own brainwashed sport.

This is exactly like religion, as a child I was given a religion, a culture, a value system, a belief system by my environment and parents, and so anyone telling me to change that really don’t’ understand the challenge they are posing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to religiously follow cricket, for five days, it was my main occupying ’emotional entity’ within my mind, everything was running/happening in the background. In a way, its like, I never really lived HERE last 5 days, fully breathing, and fully here, because I was somehow occupied by the ‘game stuff’, this is a real waste of life. Bit of sports fun is OK, enjoying one’s childhood sport passions, like soccer or whatever that you grew up with, but turning it into some religious occupation is insanely crazy.

Well, I got rid off the almighty GOD virus, so I am certain, through writing of self-forgiveness, and self-correction, I can get rid of this cricket virus. Then I can enjoy a game for its display of skills, talents and mastery of stroke-play from both sides, without being anxious or emotional about ‘my team’.

The way I was checking the scores online, it reminded me of how I would read about an ongoing battle between the SL-Army and the Tamil Tigers during the peak of the war back in the 90s, as if I don’t’ want to miss any casualty figures, as if I want to read all about death-by-death on field actions. The war is over now, but similar mindset/pattern is still at work with sports. Goes to show why sport is so well embraced and promoted by the world system, just like war. I suppose the feeling of victory, triumphalism feeling is a great boast to the mind consciousness system.  I commit myself to be aware of this, I commit myself to breathe whenever I am watching a game, to make sure, I am not letting any emotional play within me, only watching the game for its mastery and expression of skilled players.   

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