day 593: my “bad English”, self-writing to improve.

writeSometimes I have this thought: “may be I should restart my Journey to Life blogging, may be should reset to day-zero”. It stems from the fact or self-judgment that my English is not upto par, mostly in writing anyways. Within this, I look at other writings and feel a sense of lack about my ability to express in English. It’s not just the limited vocabulary the problem, my general ability to express point by point in a well structured manner like a thesis if you will. I don’t know, may be it’s partly self-judgment, partly a fact which needs improvement, I mean, the only way to improve in writing is to write, pay attention to those ‘problem’ areas within the writing and make it better. No other way, is there?

Obviously self-judgment doesn’t help, but self-analysis, finding areas where self can improve is pretty cool. Self-judgment is a hammer that can self-sabotage, while self-examination is like a project one works to improve oneself.

So, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel upset that I am having difficulty expressing myself in writings very well. In this I forgive myself for feeling that I can never write as good as others in English. I forgive myself for believing that I am no good in writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my writing as ‘poor’ or ‘immature’ not seeing/realizing these are my self-judgments, as nobody out there has the time nor the interest to critique on my writings, as I am my own critique/judge. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others “as greater”, as “more than” me and within that I forgive myself for fearing “them”, and see their writings as more, and mine as less.

Instead of simply breathing here, and writing one point at a time, with clarity and simplicity, not wanting to aim any specific standard or ‘quality’. Here I see that quality comes from me, as me here as breath and writing as self-clarity resulting in quality. So the quality I speak of is not some ‘high class’ of the English language to use, rather, clarity of expression, the point is well said and written.

Comparison sucks. Its endless, given that there are 7 billion people, I am certain at least 1 human out there will be a better writer than I am, so am I going to break my head because I cannot beat up all 7 billion in terms of quality of writing in English? I see the insanity of this mindset, so comparison sucks. Instead of comparison, I direct myself to learn from other bloggers, their style of writing, their use of words and phrases, how they break-down the points into sub-points and then conclusion etc. Essentially learning from other bloggers is the way to improve my own English writings, but comparison to self-judge, self-sabotage sucks. So when and as I read a blog, I direct myself to learn something from it, how it is written, the style, the structure, the flow, the logical construction of the case in point, etc, and obviously learn about the main subject matter the blogger is speaking about, in that way, I am learning each time I read a blog, improving my own so-called bad English writing also.

So, day zero, or day six hundred, doesn’t’ really matter, this is not a race to increase the day counter, this is a process of self-writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction resulting in living my full life potential.

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