day 597: notes to self

writeI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize every single thought matters, as every thought contribute to the Mind Consciousness system that I am. Every thought generate energies for the mind, within that allowing the mining of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize every thought participation in the mind creates consequence. Within this I see/realize thoughts, emotions, feelings, worries, anxieties, anger all that has consequence, even though I may only participate just ONCE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to permit myself to think just ONCE believing that’s OK to indulge in this thought just once. As if, the excuse “just once” is valid.

Some thoughts I have been thinking today about R are not valid at all, not even once thinking such shit is cool, as they can create consequence. Obviously there is a subtle ‘feeling good’ factor as I was thinking it. And this goes to prove even one thought, just once, can produce energy, hence consequence.

Self-Awareness about thinking is very important, to know what’s going on within the head. I was watching a cricket match today where one guy got run-out, as if he had no sense of awareness of what’s going on, simply rushed himself out of the crease only to find himself out. He was like a blind man just unconsciously rushing himself out, no awareness, no sense of consequence, and moreover no sense of responsibility. In cricket, batting is a responsible task, you have to face each ball and only that ball, like facing each breath, only that breath, cannot carry any memories into THIS breath, cannot carry any fears of the past or future into this breath, simply face each moment, each breath, each ball and apply yourself. After he got out like a madman, it triggered a collapse more batters failing hence more pressure/consequence for the ‘team’. It all started with facing that one ball without any sense of responsibility, any sense of self-awareness. This is exactly what happens when facing thoughts, like balls, see in cricket, it only takes one ball to get out, I would say in life, that ONE thought could be consequential, specially that ONE rare thought which you have accepted/allowed as OK but you know very well how evil that ONE thought is. Cricket is a thing played for fun, for entertainment etc, but life is no entertainment, one must take responsibility for EVERY THOUGHT.

On a side note, I mean, WTF, I am still consumed by cricket matches, I have been up since 5 am this morning watching cricket being played across the globe, for the thrill of victory, for the feeling/emotions of victory, for sure when the game turned sour for my team, I simply shut it down and returned to blogging. Not here, not breathing, that’s the reason why I am still allowing games to give me that emotional high. Just like participating in that ONE thought, emotional highs also that ONE thing (be it via games or otherwise), is something to note, take responsibility for.

I commit myself to be aware that everything happens in ONE unit, like a breath, be it ONE ball like in cricket, or ONE thought, ONE emotion, ONE imagination, ONE thing that can lead to consequence. so responsibility starts with that ONE thing here, not allowing it, not participating in, but be self-aware, be directive, NOT automatic, NOT robotic. 

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