day 603: be aware of the body, be here.

waterI was listening to this very interesting ‘Crucifixion of Jesus‘ interview which talks about having emotional experiences while listening to others. Even in the cases where you sit in a meeting and simply listening to others, their words/tones can trigger emotional reactions within you, though nothing was said directly to you. This is a point I have to pay close attention to, because at daily status meeting at work, I noticed how I react with emotional experiences merely listening to this one specific person, his tone, the sounds, even the manner of his speaking seem to annoy me. He often cuts off people, monologue not dialogue seems to be his style. But why do I react to him, because that very pattern exists within me.

Self-awareness, self-stability, here, breathing, I mean, every moment is a chance to fine-tune these things, there are so many chances throughout the day to observe self-reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not observe myself, not observe my mind/physical movements, and within that get lost in my emotional reactions towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize every breath is a chance to BE HERE, within my body, breathing, RESPONDING and not reacting without self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize when I react to pop-up-memories I am doing the exact same thing: reacting to words/images that are here coming at me through others OR via my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, self-awareness in every moment is the key to this process, which helps me ground here in the physical/body.

When and as I see myself reacting within my physical, as in, physical movements, slight shifts, twitches, irritations, pains, etc, I direct myself to stop and breathe.

I realize all reactions to others indicate what I have allowed within myself, so in that I utilize such moments to investigate myself, first returning to breath and breathing here with awareness. Bring it all back to self. I mean, this fellow I mentioned, his style, method of delivery, tone, pronunciation etc, or even his attempt to cut off people, he does so, because he doesn’t’ have the self-awareness of what’s going on, essentially “he does not know what he is doing”. So, me reacting to him (silently within my mind), is basically demonizing him, trying to push him into the demon dimension like a demon. This is exact what the heavens did to Demons, damn them forever in a demonic dimension. So when I judge, react, get annoyed, I am sort of acting like the heavens/heavenly beings, trying to avoid this guy, so put him away (so I will never have to deal with him), avoid the negative, the nag, the source of annoyance, that which irritates me, that which is uncool. Essentially, seeking only the positive, love and light. So I breathe, and ground myself here with breathing. No reactions, no damnation, simply here sharing with all. And no sucking upto the ‘positive’ ones either, the ones with wonderful, cool, positive etc. Equality, here, breathe, body. All that starts with self-awareness of the breath/body here.  

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