day 620: verbal diarrhea

scream-headerI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, verbal diarrhea is an energy seeking game, just speaking shit, to activate reactions from others in that getting my dose of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, talking shit, saying things for sake of speaking is verbal diarrhea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, listening to others is a great way to have real moments of sharing than just ‘talking shit’ to get attention from others. Talking shit is the mind making noise for the sake of making noise, in that getting attention/energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, ‘asking questions’ just for the sake of asking shit, is a game, a ploy to get energy. I mean who the fuck will I be if I just keep silent, just be here, breathe, be in the body, not look to ask questions, or say something just to make noise, in that hoping to get some attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories where my school teachers name-calling me as a chatterbox, as someone who is always needy/ready to speak some shit. Self-silence is hard to come by it seems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being silent within myself, I forgive myself for believing if I keep silent within myself nobody will engage in conversations with me. I forgive myself for seeing myself as a boring person, who is so boring others may find it hard to engage in chitchats with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect silence to fear and rejection, within that I forgive myself for feeling a sense of fear and rejection within myself when I keep silence for bit too long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being silent within myself because I have connected self-silence to loneliness, to being a target, being a loner. I forgive myself for fear being noticed as a loner, a target who could get mobbed/attacked by the ‘groups/crowds/others’ etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the word loaner, someone who is on the fringe, not part of the mainstream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear groups.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try very hard to be part of groups, and talking shit is part of it, within this I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing when I compromise self-silence, I am compromising myself, not only making a fool out of myself, but also losing my self-awareness and surrendering totally to my mind. So be here, breathe, be silent, speak/ask when necessary.

When and as I see the urge within me to just speak, or ask question or make comments like in verbal diarrhea, I stop, I breathe, I become aware of my body. I remain here, because I realize it’s an energetic impulse, looking for a feeding, seeking energy through shit-talking, I stop this, I breathe thru it.

This is a point I have faced many times, as if I just like to remind others to notice me, I do so with my odd questions/comments always looking to be at the center. I mean even just asking questions, I do so to be noticed, to be at the center, so within this I forgive myself for making a fool out of myself, because making noise is a foolish act. I direct myself to remain silent, breathe, be here, and really listen to what is being said by others, within that a chance may arise to ask/speak/comment etc, then its real participation, not just noise making to be noticed. 

Investigate solutions:

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with Self Support.
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey.
Eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews to Self Perfection.
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
The master of war – “Be a Cure, not a Disease”.
#livingincomeguaranteed

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