I can see I was about to ‘burst out’, it was boiling in me, like in the olden days, I could have said something. But today I was able to not react though the reactions were boiling within me, which is a degree of improvement. So no need to feel bad or upset about having reactions, and they do arise every now and then very strongly, what matters is NOT actually living out the reactions.
Reactions are nothing but overgrown thoughts and emotions, you keep on thinking on one track, then it boils up reaching physically overflowing levels. So the key is to STOP when and as thoughts about someone or something starts building up. Usually some sort of silent blame towards another, and then couple of hours later it can boil over into physical explosions like a nasty comment or an email or even something worse. Then you have to live with the consequence of it not just for hours or days later, perhaps even into a lifetime.
Reactions also accumulate, as people will remember you as a ‘reactive person’ hence that perception within them can cause other outflows. For example, if you were to react towards your boss, consequences are obvious, he will be happy the day your contract expires. It could have all started with a minor rude comment you made as a result of ‘reactions’ while in the middle of a busy/tense project, not seeing/realizing, you also planted the seeds of your demise. That’s the boat I was in today, getting close to reacting to a senior co-worker at work, whose words/recommendations could be consequential for me. Obviously I didn’t live out the reaction, but it was boiling within me the whole time, I even scripted a tough email to him, but last-minute common sense prevailed and I canceled it. That was close. Now hours later looking back, how stupid I would have been, had I sent that email. dang it.
So, when and as I see myself ‘boiling in thoughts as in reactions’ about someone or something, I stop, I breathe, I get out, I go for a walk, I clear my mind, and not participate in the process of ‘mental arguments’ towards anyone, instead I stabilize myself, and when I am calm and relaxed, in a gentle tone of voice, I ask them questions, I ask for clarifications, to better understand their point of view, and also give them a chance to articulate their stand without attacking them. Often people want their views to be heard and considered instead of outright rejection. So I direct myself to hear what another has to say, and ask questions, engage in a dialog with an open mind, here I see no reactions, no energy, no memory, no emotions at play, simple communication, conversation to understand possible conflicting view points.
When and as I see myself blaming another within my mind, I stop, I breathe, because I realize what’s happening inside my mind is just a step away from physical manifestations/outflows and consequences, so I direct myself to STOP the mind-thought-blames within me, before it’s too late.
Though damage control sometimes works but actually useless, because as they say, “the damage is done”. So better to apply the principle of prevention is the best cure. I would certainly be regretting a hell of lot right now had I sent that email to my co-worker, no damage control would have corrected the consequences. so breathe, be here, there are tough times, the urge to react is very strong, as the mind is becoming physical.
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