I just listened to some cool eqafe interviews on envy, I highly recommend these. Envy is an emotion I have faced in my life many times, not just in relation to material possessions, but also when it comes to things like ‘capabilities’, ‘talents’, ‘skills’ etc. Recently I have felt envy when seen some folks whom I work with who are like ‘techno gods’, there is nothing they know not, it seems even the sky is not a limit to their intricate understandings when it comes to all things technological, whereas I see myself as ‘average’ and often feel less-than, or envious about their depth of know-hows. I mean there are other areas of envy I face as well, but lets stick to ‘technological talents, skills’ etc in this blog.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so envious when I see the depth of knowledge people possess when it comes to technological know-hows and skills.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less-than to them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself against them and judge myself as not very ‘skilled/talented’ etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not see/realize there is a lot I can learn from them, instead of being envy about them and regressing within myself into a pit of envy.
One thing I have observed in these ‘very skilled’ people is their ability to read, comprehend information thoroughly. I was at a training session today, just watching the instructor reading some manuals out aloud and how quickly he was making sense out of them, it just boggled my mind. So I know clearly that’s an area of improvement I must work on, developing and improving my reading skills and comprehension. Sometimes I have to read the same document couple of times as if I am studying for an exam to really comprehend the information.
So here, being envy about other’s superior reading skills is not the solution, rather I put the time and effort to improve my reading, comprehension skills. Because in my area of work, 90% of the time, we are reading ‘how to do something’, reading documents, example codes, manual pages etc. so if you’re struggling to quickly understand and ‘get it’, then you will struggle in this area of work. So here is a practical way to ‘reduce the gap’ so to speak, even though I may not equalize or pass them in ‘know-hows’, but I can easily double up my contributions, by improving my own ‘know hows’.
Whereas envy takes me down the hole, making me emotionally heavy and harder to ‘read/comprehend’ information quickly. At the training class today, we were given some exercise and list of steps to follow on how to resolve them. So essentially those who can quickly read and understand the list will get it done quickly, otherwise you will struggle through the list. I notice how much I struggled comprehending the list of actions. Essentially all boiled down to superior reading and comprehension skills. I have the TT tool and reading tools and so it’s a matter of using them daily. This requires a commitment and daily application.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize being envy is not the solution, instead develop superior reading and comprehension skills by daily application of the tools I have which can assist me in this.
I forgive myself for desiring to be a ‘techno god’ like them, so here I see the desire to be a god is not going to assist me in understanding the materials. I have to acquire superior reading and comprehension skills. There is no short cut to it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize “everything” in my area of work boils down to “understanding” the manuals, so effective reading and comprehension is like bread and butter to me.
There are only few secrets in my area of work, almost everything you can google it up, but there is a vast amount to read, to really comprehend the information, so that’s where I tend to give up, sheer amount of ‘things to read’ becomes a burden and then end up reading very little to nothing, even that with inferior comprehension. The end result: lacking in ‘know how’ and then always wanting the guy who knows everything to tell me how to do it. At the class today it was rather evident who can read and who can’t. Shame to admit even with a university degree my reading and comprehension skills are way below par. So yes no shame, its a matter of practicing the tools and acquiring the reading/comprehension skills. Its like sex the more you do it, the better you become.
I forgive myself for becoming angry from envy, its like I am angry that ‘they know it all’ and I don’t.
I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing that they only ‘know it all’ because they ‘read it all’ and understand is quickly. Agree some folks have this ‘photographic memory’ where they seem to recall and remember even the finest details which they read back in freshman days. I am not too worried about photographic memory, I realize my problem is mediocre reading and comprehension skills. Within this I see/realize going into envy is like the worse thing I can do to myself. Instead I focus on applying the tools daily. We computer programmers are now like lawyers, so much to read to understand the multiple layers of things, yet effective reading step by step is the answer without overwhelming myself. so envy does no good to anyone.
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