At 3:30am I was up this morning, basically getting 4 hours of sleep, considering I have to go to work soon, I am bit worried about tiredness, lack of sleep etc. In theory, 4 hours should be OK, but the ideas/views I have about sleep suggest otherwise. Also instead of struggling in bed to sleep, I decided to get up and write this blog, so apologize in advance for any grammar issues.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that today is going to be a bad day because I didn’t get my 7-8 hours of usual sleep.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that today won’t be a productive day for me, because apparently I believe that I am going to be tired due to lack of good sleep.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without 7-8 hours of sleep I can’t function normal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried about facing co-workers in this state of tiredness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my face may show the fact that I didn’t get a good sleep, hence tiredness. Not seeing/realizing, this is a fear based judgment I have about how “I will look” in case I don’t’ get 7-8 hours of sleep. Within this I forgive myself for believing I am only normal if I sleep well and long.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize I am only fearing what I believe, my beliefs about sleep etc. four hours is OK, I am still alert and able to drive etc. and if I do feel really sleepy later in the day, I can direct myself to take a power nap.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t communicate or participate in discussions properly due to lack of sleep this morning, and within that I believe somehow its going to be a crappy day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize its my mind that is lacking in sleep, as my body is rather well rested, 4 hours of solid rest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried that others will look at me oddly because my appearance will suggest a lack of sleep and/or tiredness. Within this I see/realize how bothered I am about what/how others perceive me etc. I mean I am here, some days yes people do look tired and worn out, but that doesn’t diminish who they are. I read new dad’s journey to life blog other day, where lack of sleep thru the whole night was reported because having to attend to their baby. I mean, this is a problem but not the end of world, nor the end of who I am as life. Yes there will some lack of alertness, or looking a bit tired, perhaps sleepy, etc, sure it does make a difference, but it won’t diminish who I am as life. I can still breathe, breath by breath, and move myself into creating this day instead of letting my weary mind direct me.
There are people in this world whose usual time to wake up is 3:30am, even here in Canada, people who work for Tim Horton’s coffee shops have to report at 4:00am to get the baking started for the morning rush. So to hit work at 4am, a good sleep till 3:30am can be a luxury. And not to mention those homeless people who nap here and there in park benches etc, to catch some sleep whenever they can, 7-8 hours of sleep is certainly a god-send for them.
So in considering all that, I see/realize 4 hours is what I got, and it is what it is, can’t fight it over, cant’ blame anyone, cant’ predict how bad my day going to be etc, simply just walk moment by moment. Even the so-called sharpness is a breath by breath application of myself.
One thing I realize however, just before I went to bed last night, I didn’t’ relax myself much, was on the computer and eating etc, and then hitting the bed straight away is not ideal. Its like turning sleep into a rush job, yet another rush job, so better to wind down a bit, relax, sit down, perhaps in the darkness, breathe, feel the whole body, sort of calming the mind down, turning off the mind engine, so in that relax state hit the bed. I think going to sleep with a ‘heavy mind’ is asking for trouble, or even eating just before. I think both the body and mind has to be sort of restful before hitting the bed. So some corrections to watch out for. Obviously physical exercises helps a lot, but yesterday the only physical exercise I got was typing on the keyboard all day.
So I am here, breathing, it’s a new day, I am the creator of it, not my ‘weary’ mind nor its thoughts, beliefs, ideas etc.
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