For context, please listen to this desteni portal interview about the design of procrastination. It seems to me I am walking/falling behind in my process, instead of making progress, there is a certain regression. I mean it’s clear to me whats going on, “lack of discipline” in one word is my problem and that leads to procrastination, which gives birth to laziness, which is the mother of depression. So it starts with indiscipline and ends in depression, indiscipline is linked to procrastination. So the question to ask is, why do I accept and allow indiscipline hence procrastination in my life?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing procrastination and indiscipline over and over again, knowing fully well that indiscipline and procrastination leads to laziness and depression.
I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing I am allowing this, knowing fully well still I am saying OK, “lets procrastinate, lets put things off”, and then accepting laziness which gives birth to my on and off depression.
I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing I know how I create depression, I can see it here, I can see in my actions, rather in my inactions which leads to depression, though started by putting things off, it’s an accumulation process.
So why, why not direct myself to ‘get things done’, move myself physically, here, directing, acting, accomplishing things, instead of dozing myself off with the drug of procrastination, laziness and then the real drug which is depression.
When and as I see myself procrastinating, I stop I breathe, and ask myself “am I allowing depression with this?”, because I know I don’t like depressive modes, nobody does, so why then am I allowing it within myself?
I realize, it’s not the ‘load of commitment’ or ‘lack of time’ the issue, it’s just putting things off, NOT GETTING IT DONE HERE/NOW, where I clearly see I can do them now, but I put them off. I mean rarely does a practical situation permits me to put things off, but largely my drug like addiction to feeling good procrastination, and meantime I just float thru life, pushing everything away, putting off everything, not seeing/realizing how life is missed in this, as I am not really living here/now, sort of putting my life off to another day while here this day I am allowing unaliveness (sort of depression).
I have seen this pattern in my mother from whom I copied this, she loves to put things off, except for the urgent needs of now, all else can be put off, to another time, tomorrow, or the day after, like that continuously things get put off, postponed, procrastinated. As a child I remember how much I hated it the moment she suggest anything to be put off. There is a certain lack of aliveness, call it depression, grows with procrastination. Like a lack of desire to do anything, other than the absolute must, in that the person limits their will to move, because there is nothing to move towards to, as all things are procrastinated to tomorrow as nothing to do today/here/now. And that grows into a chronic laziness and eventual depression. Makes total sense from what I have observed, so this pattern is in me for sure, time to correct this, unless I want to put it off to another time.
I forgive myself for still carrying the energies from the memories where I observed things get put off constantly, like procrastination was the way of life, doing any activity was unheard of.
I forgive myself for accepting those patterns and energies of procrastination as normal, as the way to live my life, not seeing/realizing life is a participatory game, not a sit-down and just watch game. Life happens to those who moves along, act along, participate etc, life is stagnant for those who procrastinate and put things off. I mean I can clearly relate to this, depression is when life has become stagnant, and procrastination, indiscipline does that very nicely.
So no more, I direct myself to breathe and stop myself from allowing procrastination, I move myself to act, to get things done, however small it may be, I have to move to get it done, then it accumulates. If you know how to close the door, you sure know how to open the door. Instead of accumulating procrastination, I direct myself to accumulate the opposite, which is action, activities, accomplishments, however small quantity they may be, in that I am reversing the downward spiral into upward spiral. Action is the medicine to 3 illnesses: procrastination, laziness, and depression.
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