day 667: reactions when told what to do

self-forgivenessI had a total mind possession yesterday at work, within a short span of time I went from being all happy to “I can’t take this shit anymore, I want to resign” like thoughts and emotions all because I felt like I was told/imposed upon “what to do” overriding my own solution. Obviously ‘y’ likes to impose his ideas/solutions very strongly, but that’s beside the point, because how I was reacting is my own issue to resolve. I mean at the end of the day I came out looking like a whiny little boy who can’t handle being told whose solution should be replaced by other’s. So this kind of mindset/reactions are rooted in issues with control.

Interestingly whenever I am stuck at something ‘y’ is a being I seek advice from, so to some extent when he asked me to replace solution ‘A’ with ‘B’ it is not totally out of the normal or rude etc, but I took it very personally to such an extent I had to leave the office for 30 minutes for a destress walk and during the walk I was still having all those thoughts about resigning etc, and everyone could see me in a possessed state as well, which is uncool. I am supposed to be an example of the ‘eye of the storm’ not an example of the storm itself. So time to speak some self-forgiveness about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts “I can’t take this shit anymore, I want to resign”, within that I see/realize how fucked up I was and how fucked up I will be had I proceeded with those thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to ‘y’ very strongly whenever he suggest something rather different to how I had solved an issue. Within this I see I am on a collision course with him, while at the same time seek his advice when I am stuck at something. As if my ego fears and praise ‘Y’ at the same time, this I can see as a survival trick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a paranoia when I was ‘imposed upon’ a new solution as if saying what I had in place is a piece of junk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have angry, nasty thoughts about ‘y’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very angry with ‘y’, within this I forgive myself for believing that ‘y’ is hell-bent on giving me a hard time, a harsh time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize it is me who have been harsh towards him by carrying nasty, angry, judgmental thoughts because of this being’s manner of speaking, style etc, as if I just don’t like the guy at all for his direct, straight approach to things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it very personally when I am told to use solutions implemented by others. Within this I forgive myself for take it very personally and go into “I can’t take this shit anymore, and I want to resign” like thoughts and emotions just because I was asked to use another solution. End of the day yesterday it was resolved using my solution and we agree to postpone using ‘y’ solution, but still I carried on with those thoughts, emotions and feeling till later into the day. A problem, a pattern is very clear. In that I forgive myself for desiring to take revenge on ‘y’, like wanting somebody to dismiss his solution and only approve mine in that giving my ego a boast.

I forgive myself for entering into conflicts when such ‘ego clashes’ arise, within this I see/realize those are the moments for me to stay stable even more so, because stronger the storm, the stronger my self-application of self-stability is required. It’s all easy to be calm and cool when the song is sweet.

I forgive myself for not stopping myself from reacting and compounding it yesterday when I had the chance to just say ‘I will consider your solution next time but this time around due to time constraint I have to move on with my solution’ etc, which is exactly what I did but with all the reactive emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel all hurt and bruised when I am told ‘what to do’ as if imposing one’s solution onto me.

I forgive myself for having a tough time accepting other people’s solutions, ideas and ways of doing things, because I take it as an attack on my very being, not seeing/realizing its my ego that is cracking up, wanting to remain in its comfort zone.

When and as I see myself reacting to ‘y’ or any being whenever I am told to dismiss my solution and consider an alternative solution, I stop and I breathe, I direct myself to see/realize this is a potential landmine area for me where I could potential step onto emotionally reactive dangers, so I direct myself to breathe and remain here in my body, and go for a self-forgiveness walk where I use the physical walking to dissipate the emotional/mind energy and use the storm like moments to speak self-forgiveness to support myself in real-time.

Investigate solutions before it’s too late:

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with Self Support.
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey.
Eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews to Self Perfection.
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
The master of war – “Be a Cure, not a Disease”.
You’re me in another Life – by Bernard Poolman
#livingincomeguaranteed

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