Day 680: Morning Zombie (2)

zombie-demonsSo continuing with the morning zombie series for 21 days.

Not every morning triggers the same set of feelings/emotions, some mornings one particular feeling is very strong, may be I was thinking along those lines the day/night before, so come next morning, one emotion/feeling dominates. Also it tells me as I went to sleep, I didn’t’ really connect with my body, as in scanning the body with my awareness (sort of getting out of the mind).

Falling asleep with thinking, with a busy mind sure contributes to the type of zombie I become in the morning. You see there are many kinds of morning zombies, not all zombies are equal, but all are equally life-sucking, so must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with this feeling of disconnected and isolated. In that I forgive myself for wanting to blame others, it must be somebody’s fault why I am carrying this heavy feeling of disconnection, isolation and even bitterness to go with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry, the kind of anger that looks heavy and bitter. Yes its pain is undeniable. Within this I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing anger always has pain as a root. So if I am waking up with this, it must be so, this is what ‘who I am’, not matter how much I try to portray a happy, positive image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry this frozen like bitterness within me in the mornings as I wake up.

I forgive myself for feeling as if I have neglected a part of me for eons, and it has become frozen out of neglect. Within this I forgive myself for avoiding it and not deeply investigate why I have allowed a part of me to freeze and become so bitter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others whomever it is in my life, past or present, for how I am feeling and carrying this frozen part within me. I mean I see/realize things only freeze if I neglect them, or avoid them, as others cannot penetrate into my soul to find out what’s boiling in there. So this particular morning zombie of mine is showing me the disconnected, isolated, frozen part of me, that needs some ‘self-attention’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize my morning zombies are showing me who I really am.

Therefore I commit myself to write and investigate these morning emotions, as they hold the key to my freedom. I mean, understanding the problem is the first step to heal it, certainly blame will only amplify the problem.

I forgive myself for wanting to blame whenever I am in this frozen bitter state, its like that makes so much sense, to crap the shit out of somebody. And in that I could even feel better.

Within this I forgive myself for believing that my freedom, my feeling better, lies in others, whom I can blame or who can give me that attention which I have not given to myself.

I will name this my solitary-confined morning zombie, that’s what it is, and I commit myself to thru writing and speaking of self-forgiveness to support myself to free this zombie up.

When and as I see myself feeling this bitter frozen like anger rising within me as I wake up, I stop and I breathe life into it, instead of ignoring or rushing to other things as in avoiding, I breathe life force into it, by simply breathing and not running away. It’s here, and it is who I am right now, I mean shame is no path to solution, if anything it will only imprison parts of me even more.

So this 21-day series on morning zombies, is also a step out of shame for me, to open up, unravel, give life to that which I denied, obviously some parts of the writing I will do in my private blog. Realize writing a public blog doesnt’ mean sharing everything personal, as there are some stuff I prefer to write in a private space which I have been doing for some time now. This public space is also very cool, as I share my process, it’s a pointer for others to opening up within themselves.

Journey to Life bloggers are pioneers, meaning we open things up, the inner workings of our deep selves, for the rest of humanity to take their first step. So after reading this if you feel like opening up, you can write privately and/or publicly, please check out these links. 

Investigate practical solutions before it’s too late:

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with Self Support.
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey.
Eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews to Self Perfection.
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
The master of war – “Be a Cure, not a Disease”.
You’re me in another Life – by Bernard Poolman
#livingincomeguaranteed

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