Day 691: Morning Zombie (13)

zombie-demonsContinuing with my 21-day process of writing about mornings, how I wake up etc. In this interview, I believe I heard Anu saying: “while you are in bed just waking up, do some self-forgiveness”, meaning instead of getting out of the bed with some mood, insert some self-forgiveness statements for 2-3 minutes, and then wake up. (Please listen to that interview for greater and accurate perspective, it won’t be very cool of me to quote the ex-God inaccurately, not that I will be damned to a life of burning fire of hell, its more like out of respect for ‘double check’).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up today with tiredness. Again I am facing this because of late night to bed, close to midnight. So when I am repeating my patterns, its clear to me that I am not actually living what I promised/committed to do. There is a magic cut-it-out time somewhere around 11:15pm, once I pass that I tend to experience this morning tiredness, this is how it has been. Do I want to wake up feeling unrested, tired, day in day out?

So again I commit myself to retire by 11:15pm and compensate ‘the lost time’ by early rising. I remember in a chat with the one and only Bernard Poolman,
bernard-foto-de-perfilhe mentioned to write out a point should I have to 100 times until I get it right. True I feel a bit embarrassed to repeat myself here, but that’s what it is, come 11:15pm, I somehow convince myself to ‘enjoy staying up late’, read more, surf more, watch more youtubes, etc, very similar to a drug addict just want bit more, can’t say no.

Waking up mornings with a tiredness feeling, and therefore a sense of lethargy is very uncool. And as Anu explained there is the tendency, for this mood to carry on throughout the day, which would really suck.

So I forgive myself for fearing that the mood that I wake up with, can carry on all day and ruin my day.

I forgive myself for fearing my own morning moods.

I forgive myself for believing that this mood has power, can destroy me, can destroy my day, my outlook, my words, my mannerisms, everything,

I forgive myself for fearing my own creation, which is this mood. There is no point in fearing my own zombiness, this is what and who I am right now.

So I direct myself to breathe with awareness, and keep my focus HERE by asking “where am I”, and “Who am I”. I am here in the body, in this physical locale, and I am aware of my thoughts, emotions, participation etc, obviously no awareness of mind/self/body means a sense of lost, a true zombie.

Awareness of self, all that is going on within self is the first step, then comes the question, ‘why am I accepting and allowing them’, within that realization comes the 100-times repeated commitment statements, and then comes the living proof, i.e. LIVING OF THE CORRECTIONS in the physical reality, in my case, early to bed, no more pass 11:15pm.

I remember back in school days, we have these student leaders, used to call them ‘prefects’, becoming a prefect is a big deal, so at the inauguration/oath-taking ceremony, the last statement is: “……..may god be my helper”.  well, that’s where you get fucked, because there is no god but self who decide to cut the behavioral patterns, I know that, as the night get late, I have a tendency to stay up into late, wtf, its like I am deliberately trying to create the conditions for a morning doom sorry mood.

Amazing, it seems I really like to stay up late so that I can destroy my mornings with bad moods and my day subsequently, now why on earth do I want to do that self-sabotage? Do I have no purpose to live? to exist? Do I have nothing to accomplish and contribute? I mean am I some kind of a burden on this earth?

I forgive myself for thinking I am such useless fellow, good for nothing. I forgive myself for thinking that I am good for nothing, I have no value for myself nor for others. These are some subtle thought currents that could be running deep in the river of my secret mind. I mean its common sense, why would I want to deliberately create the conditions for a bad morning for myself? It is said I can be my worse own enemy.

Investigate practical solutions before it’s too late:

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with Self Support.
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey.
Eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews to Self Perfection.
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
The master of war – “Be a Cure, not a Disease”.
You’re me in another Life – by Bernard Poolman
#livingincomeguarantee

 

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Day 690: Morning Zombie (12)

zombie-demonsContinuing with my 21-days of writing about morning blues (though skipped last few days) and back on track today. That’s cool, not to self-judge but to get back on track.

So…. here I am. strange. I see that living a life of utmost potential can only happen if each day, hour is lived to such potential, wasting time, not valuing one’s own time/existence is not the way to go. So I realize as I woke up, as time rolled on, I had a sense of waste. I am wasting, not much has been achieved or accomplished, even now I see I have been up for 2 and half hours not a whole lot is achieved other than getting myself ready and finished with breakfast. Time is running short, I just had my 47th birthday this past Sunday, so the remaining time is in short supply. Put another 20 years, I will be 67, wow, time to officially retire and then what? Downhill from there, should a ‘big’ disease or something hit on the way, then, time is really in short supply plus wont’ be able to do cool stuff as most of the remaining time will be consumed by healing/heath and whatnot. So this is the ‘feeling’ I woke up with, a zombie whose time is in short supply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time and believe that living means just letting time pass by, sort of watching a river go by while standing on the banks, in that I am missing life, because all I am doing is kind of waiting for time to tell me ‘ok now your time is over’, as if only then I can start rushing myself to finally LIVE.  Currently I am not really living just watching time pass by.

I forgive myself for thinking that I wasted time and wasting time.

I forgive myself for judging me for wasting time.

I forgive myself for feeling like a loser because this precious time is gone/going away from me.

I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing all I have to do is LIVE the rest of my time here effectively without wasting, direct the time, get things done, I mean this is not about regret or fearing death, which is totally unpredictable, death could arrive at any moment, but the time here, the HOUR that is HERE, I can use to it, direct it to ‘get things done’, i.e without letting time/life pass by.

I forgive myself for accessing depression this morning by thinking that I am wasting my time, that sense of waste, sense of regret is creating depression, a sense of loss.

I forgive myself for feeling like I am missing out, not seeing/realizing I still have 20+ years (???), meaning ample time left should I effectively use every remaining hour to live HERE and get things done.

Life is not like a river that passes by while we just watch it go by. Life is something we participate and create, then fucking die away when the time is up. This is not a capitalistic approach to life and time, rather using it to live life to utmost potential which boils down to what am I doing hour by hour, day by day.

So when and as I see myself regretting or mourning the loss of time that has gone by, I stop I breathe and return to HERE, realizing I can effectively use the remaining time to LIVE to get things done. Regret is not going to bring back my ‘lost’ time, whereas living here, utilizing this hour, this day, is a step to bring out my utmost potential. I commit myself to look at time with gratitude and appreciation, and therefore NOT waste it, but utilize it, direct it, to ‘get things done’, in a way that is best for me, and best for all.

Investigate practical solutions before it’s too late:

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with Self Support.
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey.
Eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews to Self Perfection.
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
The master of war – “Be a Cure, not a Disease”.
You’re me in another Life – by Bernard Poolman
#livingincomeguarantee