I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still trust my feelings, emotions and thoughts.
Meaning still there are the days when I allow myself to become low and down, allowing the weight of my emotions to knock me down, instead of living/breathing here as breath, as physical. I mean it’s the mind giving me ample food for thought and then me eating it up, and getting drunk in the emotions/feelings and getting totally lost in them. There is always some little story in the mind to start triggering these emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe these thoughts/emotions/feelings have power over me. I forgive myself for believing that they can control me, rule me over, not seeing/realizing I am the master of my mind, I can choose NOT to participate in them. Yet I do participate, I do think, I do allow the indulgence in the emotions and feelings. So this is great point of responsibility to NOT charge up my mind with these thoughts/emotions and feelings.
I mean more I participate in them, the more they charge up, whereas I want to discharge them, let go of its energy. Breathing is the key here, the decision to not participate in the mind is a decision. This is not going to happen magically, there is no GOD who is going to stop my thoughts/emotions/feelings. And this will only get more difficult as things are compounding and getting worse. I mean me trying to play out various scenes in my head is crazy, its unto me to STOP them. I decide the players inside my mind, I mean its up-to me to put whoever I want inside my mind and have them play, its up-to me to react to their play inside my mind. I mean, I am the creator of my mind’s play, as I allow and accept such nonsense inside my mind.
Breathing is great self-support is this, why not use it, why not breathe to the stomach, as whole breath, full breath, not just shallow breathing. Because when doing full-breath breathing or 4 count breathing, the energy build has no chance to compound, it has to melt down. May be this is something I have to really investigate, look at, take seriously, I mean, I am yet to try this 4 count like breathing on a regular basis.
What’s holding me back from doing it often, if not always? Breathe-in, 3,2,1, hold, 1,2,3, and breathe-out, 3,2,1, basically any such ‘regulated breathing’ forces attention/awareness on it, meaning not AUTOMATIC, unaware. When you are breathing with unawareness the mind has the greatest chance to wonder, do all it can because the host is unaware, lost, sleepy, so anything is possible, as host/me is missing in action, more like missing in inaction/sleepiness.
So I commit myself to take this regulated breathing seriously. I commit myself to add number of counts to breathing-in, and hold and then breathing-out. Basically I flow/follow along with in-breath, hold, then out-breath.
I commit myself to see/realize and understand for mental dramas to happen I must be unaware of my breathing. At the moment, my breathing is 100% unaware, as I have no idea I am breathing. And this must be changed into breathe with awareness.
I commit myself to make a regular self-directed effort into breathing with awareness, as in 4 count breathing or similar. I flow along with the breathing-in, hold and breathing-out. Within this I see/realize the urge to participate in the imaginations of the mind will be very strong, but that’s the challenge to return to breathing with awareness again and again.
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