day 573: “never trust anyone” – (2)

For context, please listen to this short Tree of Life video by desteni.

Pushing myself a bit here to write tonight, sometimes you have to push through the so-called tiredness, resistances etc, obviously if the physical body is too tired, then goto sleep. I am here, writing because the more I skip, the more I want to skip, and soon a whole week will be gone in skipping, which is hardly daily writing. So here I am, taking a breath and returning to self-trust point again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mistrust myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words “will never trust them again”, within that I forgive myself for not seeing/realizing that I have effectively created self-mistrust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself and mistrust myself. I forgive myself for having become ‘comfortable’ with this side of me, sort of always wanting/asking others to the show way for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as self-trust. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself, within this I forgive myself for fearing the change, the change from self-mistrust to self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘create’ myself as self-mistrust, as I am the creator of my patterns and behaviors. Therefore I see I can undo that creation of self-mistrust and replace it with self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe “I don’t know how to end this self-mistrust”, within that I see I am still speaking from self-mistrust starting point. True, it will take loads of writing, correction, breathing, and actual real living of self-trust to undo the age-old pattern of self-mistrust. Also I see to blindly claim now “I am self-trust” is foolish, because first I have walk this in extensive writing of self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, and then have to live it, at which point self-trust will be here as me, then no need to proclaim “I am self-trust” because then I will be living it. So patience, lot more writing on many angles on self-mistrust points to bring it all here. As I said, this is an extensive point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to overcome this self-mistrust point quickly, not seeing/realizing, no such magic bullet, I have to walk a process to end this pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself play stupid so that I can cover/hide my self-mistrust, and can always rely on others to lead the way for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to stand and direct myself to ‘lead’ the way instead always ask others to lead/guide while I play stupid to hide myself and cover my self-mistrust.

Thanks to my tree of life interview, this self-mistrust point is really opening up, a lot more to write on this, so to be continued….. And I commit myself to write extensively on self-mistrust so all its hidden faces are seeing for what it is. I cannot hide this anymore, have to face it.

Please join us, let’s get to the root of the problem and then solutions.

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
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