Breathing with awareness is missing in my life, meaning, I am not directing that yet because still enjoying the heavenly existence in my mind. What is my fear or reluctance to breathe with awareness? Well it seems I will lose all that I am if I stop the mind by breathing with awareness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the reason I don’t breathe with awareness is because I like to keep on thinking, to keep the story alive, the story of me alive, my ego alive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize ‘breathing with awareness’ stops the story of me, which is what I fear, which is what I don’t want to give up, I mean, who wants to give up the story of me inside my mind. My story keeps me alive after all.
Breathing with awareness. Just breathing automatically like a robot is not enough, in this I see/realize 4 count breathing or hara-breathing is an important step to take. I mean, there is no reason for me to NOT breathe with awareness; the only reason is I just don’t want to, because I would rather be in the mind and breathe automatically like a robot.
I suppose I have stated this number of times and still not breathing with awareness.
Breathing with awareness is a shortcut to stop the mind, and so if I am committed to stopping the mind, then, why am I not stopping it with breath-awareness?
I see/realize and understand the reason I am not breathing with awareness, because I have not DECIDED and not COMMITTED to do so, I am still wondering in the heaven/mind. So the solution is simple, face the fear of not thinking and just breathe with awareness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not thinking, in this I forgive me for believing that I must THINK. So clearly it is a decision, and it is my decision to breathe with awareness and it’s not going to happen magically, there is no god or guru who is going to make me breathe with awareness, so either I breathe with awareness now or fall to the mind’s thinking machine.
When and as I see myself taking the lazy route of not breathing with awareness, I stop and remind myself that this is a decision to breathe with awareness and so I immediately direct myself to breathe with awareness. I mean the reason is simple, the MIND must stop, thinking must STOP. So either I do it self-defectively or goto the hell of thinking. I mean there must be a reason why I haven’t done this up to now, why have I avoided this? Whom am I waiting for to start breathing with awareness? Am I waiting for death to start breathing?
Breathe-in, hold, breathe-out, and hold, time has come to totally stop the automatic thinking machine by breathing with awareness.
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