Tag Archives: office politics

day 658: don’t lecture me

water“Don’t’ lecture me”. I have heard that before. A person of authority today ‘gave me a bit of lecture’ in reference to something I had missed to do. Obviously I went into a reaction, backchat and all that, and I failed to understand this person, who appeared to have been very stressed out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and resist when people ‘lecture me’ on how to do something properly. Specially if they ‘lecture me’ with an energetic charge, its like they are dumping their mood onto me.

I forgive myself for taking it personally when others burst out, not seeing/realizing my best support to them is to not take their actions personally. In this I see/realize if I react to their bursting out, I am only compounding an already pressure situation, and not standing as the eye of the storm.

I forgive myself for desiring others to speak to me nicely and gently, none of those ‘lecturing’ tones. Within this I see/realize, I am desiring a positive feeling from others in how they speak/communicate with me. “make me feel good” is what I am asking from them. So when they ‘lecture me’, or slight bursting out, I don’t’ like it and I take it very personally.

So the first point is to not desire a positive feeling in communication with others. I mean there could be hundreds of reasons why they speak/communicate or burst out the way they do, I have no understanding about their situation, so I see/realize me reacting to their reaction is not supportive.

I forgive myself for reacting to others reactions, instead of breathing and remain calm here, as the eye of the storm.

I forgive myself for desiring a positive feeling, in this I see/realize as long as there is a desire, I can’t be the eye of the storm, in fact, I will be the storm. As desire creates a certain energetic tension, a push and pull, which in itself a storm.

So essentially what I desired today was this person of authority to speak to me ‘nicely’, as if they are recognizing me, appreciating me and ‘liking me’ etc, I mean, this is fucked up shit. Obviously desiring them to speak/treat nicely is a problem. So this is my first point of correction, desiring nice treatments. In fact, I can only ask for what I am willing to give, so the question is, have I been nice to them, to this person of authority? Or have I only being nice because of their perceived power, I mean, is my ‘nice treatment’ equal?

Group settings give ample chances to check one’s equal standing. Do I stand here in equal-distance to all? Or do I seek preferential, clique like, little gangs where I form a little group? This is operating from fear. Only the fearful seek little gangs, the fearless stand as ALL-ONE, alone, for all, (here obviously not talking about relationships, friendships, associations, connections etc that have been grown over time), more focused on ‘sucking up’ personality where one seek to secure one’s standing in a group. So that was my desire, to be liked, appreciated by the leader, the person of authority. So when that was not coming forth, as it came like a ‘lecturing me’ instead, I really didn’t like it, in fact, felt depressed afterwards.

So I direct myself to observe my desires within group settings. How I seek and try the persons of authority to like me, appreciate me etc. I mean, wtf. Why can’t I stand as me here, in equal distance to all, equally intimate to all. I mean there is no desire here, just talking/communicating, with all, equal, and getting things done. Obviously with time and more participation, intimacy with some can grow yet equal standing with all will not diminish.

So back to ‘lecturing me’, the reason I didn’t like it because it wasn’t fulfilling my desire to be liked, appreciated. And going into depression, moods, etc afterwards doesn’t help either. Also, when a person is bursting out, I see/realize my best support is to remain calm, be the eye of the storm, in that giving them the chance to unwind and self-reflect. I mean how many times I would have burst out on people (both in personal relationships and with strangers). What is that I would have liked when I burst out? Of course I would have appreciated the other person to understand me and let it go, certainly reacting back is not something I would have appreciated.

Everyone knows what they are doing, I am sure this person of authority today, knew exactly within himself that his ‘lecturing’ coupled with energy charge was not cool, it was a bursting out on his part. Everyone knows what they are doing, you can’t deny that. You know when you suck upto to some and cut off others. This is the journey to life, to become self-aware, to stand as the eye of the storm, be that calm point, be that hub of the wheel, standing equal to all.

I realize that my mind is the storm, awareness is the eye of that storm. So as situations are boiling nowadays, I see/realize and understand that I must be the eye not the storm, a solution, a cure, not a problem, not a disease.  

Investigate solutions:

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with Self Support.
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey.
Eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews to Self Perfection.
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
The master of war – “Be a Cure, not a Disease”.
You’re me in another Life – by Bernard Poolman
#livingincomeguaranteed

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day 652: backchats

voiceImagine being like a tree, just standing still solid, no reactions whatsoever. I say that because I find myself still reacting in subtle ways, still thoughts of judgments, annoyances, blames, and bachchats are lingering around, still have that ‘they vs me’ kind of perception. All that starts with me wanting, desiring to join ‘them’.

So, just breathe and observe even the ever so slight reactions, mind movements within self. I mean, my backchats have reduced significantly over the couple of years since walking this process, so that’s pretty cool, and now time to chuck whatever little remains. Those slights backchats can grow and cause havoc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still participate in slight, subtle backchat about others specially with those whom I mingle on a daily basis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry little annoyances towards others assuming that they are ‘against me’.

I forgive myself for seeing M as attacking me, and has got an attitude of ‘them’ whereas me just ‘alone and left out’. Within this I forgive myself for looking to be in the same ‘team’ like M hence wanting/desiring to form a clique with others. I realize my wanting/desiring for approval, recognition, acceptance by others is a cause of me ‘feeling’ like an outsider. So I am sort of creating this ‘outsider’ feeling with my desire/wanting in the first place. So standing here, just breathing, like a tree, unmoved by the winds of emotions, feelings, looking at what’s here physically and directing them in a way that’s best for all, best for the team, best for whomever I am with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself see others as having an ‘attitude’ of superiority towards me, not seeing/realizing I am allowing that, seeing them as ‘gods’ instead of seeing them as equals, may be so they are have more ‘know-hows’ than me, but it doesn’t make them gods. I don’t need to suck up to them, perhaps that’s why they ‘look down’ on me, because I am resonantly creating such an environment by carrying it within me ideas/views/opinions that suggest superiority/inferiority complex.

Or even a wanting to ‘join them’ is a desire driven by ‘less-than’ attitude, basically I am saying I am ‘less’ without them, so I strive to have their approval, acceptance etc, this is dis-empowering. Instead of me standing here, like a tree, breathing, looking at what’s here, and directing them, without getting involved in any personal views, ideas, opinions about people, because that’s backchat, a disease which can grow very fast. Sort of cold-blooded stone-like emotionless is needed, in that not to worry ‘intimacy’ with others is not lost, because you’re growing self-intimacy, which is the root of all intimacy. There is no need to carry ’emotional backchat’ about others to feel a sense of association/intimacy with others.

I forgive myself for believing that I must ‘think’, or ‘backchat’ about others emotionally so that I know for sure that there exist some relationship, connection, association, or even a friendship with them. Within this I forgive myself for erroneously believe that ‘no thinking’, ‘no feeling’ means that I have nothing with them and totally disconnected from everyone, this is not so. I am sure Bernard wasn’t walking around ‘feeling and thinking’ about others yet others experienced the most amazing ‘connection’ with him, so not to worry. This stone like coldness is not indifference, or carelessness, that’s the misconception. Though you’re stone like emotionless, but you stand for what is best for all, considering all as equals, placing yourself in their shoes. Never putting anyone down, or praising anyone as gods, or even wanting/desiring a special ‘connection’ with anyone, I mean that’s a form of inequality, whereas when time is spend physically together, a sense of ‘relationship/association’ grows, so that’s natural, I mean even then, you don’t’ walk around with relationships backchatting inside your head re-confirming your relationships, you’re always here, breathing, standing like a tree unmoved by any backchat, view, opinion about others. So this is something I have to be aware of, am I standing as a tree here, or lost in slight subtle lingering backchats about others.

When and as I see myself chatting away in my mind about others, i.e backchat, I stop I breathe. I realize backchat will create lot more problems than the issues I am facing here/now in the physical, therefore I direct myself to look at what’s here, and find solutions that are best for all, and certainly back-chatting is not one of them.

Investigate solutions:

Desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search Desteni Material.
Living Income Guaranteed – An Economic Solution.
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with Self Support.
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey.
Eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews to Self Perfection.
Equal Life Foundation – Facebook Stream for Unfolding Events.
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
The master of war – “Be a Cure, not a Disease”.
You’re me in another Life – by Bernard Poolman
#livingincomeguaranteed