I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize this ‘blankness of mind’ while writing is simply an attempt of the mind to skip writing. ‘Blankness of mind’ doesn’t mean there is nothing to write about, it simply means the mind is trying to divert the task at hand. So when and as I see myself facing the so-called ‘blankness of mind’, I stop and I breathe, in seen/realizing and understanding that the way forward is to write through the ‘blankness of mind’.
Just as I sat to write, I logged into Facebook, then, I saw a porn image tagged with my name appearing on my wall, meaning it must have appeared on the news feed as well and many of my friends may have seen it, realizing that, I felt embarrassed, ashamed, I immediately unfriend the person who tagged me on it, but it is strange I felt so embarrassed by it. I guess I felt ‘wow may be people will think that I am into porn and so actually associated/posted that image’. well It is what it is, may be that person didn’t actually tag me, perhaps some virus on the Facebook did it and manifested this porn image on people’s walls. So I think that’s why I was kind of shocked and went into that ‘blankness of mind’ like state afterwards.
Anyways, as I said, it is what it is. Just have to be careful with my Facebook account credentials, meaning, I have to often change my password, because sometimes I access Facebook from public cafes, so never know who might abuse that later on. It is my responsibility to protect my account information. I definitely like the idea of policing the internet so that identity theft or account abuse will not happen. There is no need for anonymous creatures on the internet. I didn’t like the experience of someone tagging my name to porn images, not cool. With over 2000+ friends I am careful what I allow and accept on my Facebook wall, it’s a space for common-sensical sharing for what is best for all, and certainly not for porn. Anyways.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and embarrassment thinking ‘what my Facebook friends will think of me now?”, not seen/realizing it is what is it, somebody tagged me to a porn image, or it happened through a virus, there is nothing personal, there is nothing to react about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize shame and embarrassment are shades of fear, therefore I breathe and simply let go, I mean, there is no point in reacting to this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears as shame, as embarrassment, not seen/realize this is another way of mind-control, so I direct myself to breathe and let go.
I am here, breathing, doing/participating in the physical, walking the process, and stopping the mind, because I see/realize MIND is continuously running like a machine, so it requires STOPPING each moment, each moment of breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the best way to stop the mind is simply to be HERE, attend to physical reality HERE, breathe here. There is a life-force within the physical body, and it is HERE, not in some future place, or in some MIND location, it is simply HERE, so I see/realize and understand breathing is a cool self-support.
In this I see/realize thinking, worrying, fearing, all that mind stuff doesn’t help, as they take me out of the body and take me to heaven/mind. So no more mind, breathing, do the physical, self-forgive, stop the mind breath by breath.
Cool. Also I see that I just started my vacation for 3 weeks, yes 3 weeks, wow, how lucky, gift from God, 21 days wonderful stuff, just some time to chill out. I am not travelling anywhere, just around here, not leaving the country I mean, local road trips only. As family-dynamics have changed a bit in my personal life, can’t do the normal family vacation things like going to Disney-land or something like that, nope. So I have to plan how I am going to spend my time, because it’s so easy to waste 3 weeks doing nothing, and that’s not my plan. In fact my plan is maximum use of this time for personal work, and yes have some fun too, few road trips, visit my parents in Toronto, but I have a strict set of activities to do daily, I mean otherwise 3 weeks just fly away, and I would have done nothing. I will do a lot of reading, writing, and SELF-FORGIVENESS speaking. I have read somewhere that Bernard Poolman once did 8 hours of self-forgiveness with someone, face to face, that’s cool. I am not going to do face to face, but certainly use lot of free time to speak self-forgiveness aloud. Of course the other option is to spend every moment in thinking and thinking and thinking, I mean what good is that. Might as well use the time to STOP the MIND.
Speaking of vacations, I realize the elitist position I am in, meaning those slaves in china or Africa don’t’ take vacations, they work hard like salves so folks like me can take vacations. Every human being must have the birthright to take vacation; it is a right not a privilege for the rich. In my case, I won’t’ call myself rich, but I have a job at the moment, but yes compare to one billion folks who are starting tonight I am an elitist. So I have to use this privilege life to birth a new earth, I mean otherwise what good is my life, just lived have a good time and THEN DIE away like a fly on the windscreen. Useless.
Living shouldn’t be a pain in the ass like how it is right now, it should be a comfortable ride, we can create a system of governance to create such comfort and joy to live for ALL, so investigate, study the desteni message. I am using this vacation time to work on myself, my mind, by using to read/write/self-forgive, and do some physical activities, travel, and yes have some fun too. There is a bit of sadness as my family life is in a state of suspension. Being vacation time, it’s bothering me a bit, but hey, that’s why we have all the fantastic tools from desteni, to let go of such mind things. I am here I am breathing.
May be I will bike a lot. Earlier I was planning a bike trip from Ottawa to Toronto, not conclusive yet, its one of the goals, cool, will see.
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